Raising Boys vs. Raising Girls

I think my son would like to live outdoors. As the parent of both a daughter and son, I planned to treat them exactly the same, to raise them without gender expectations. But biology had other plans for me.

My daughter has a horror of being dirty, getting agitated if she has an infinitesimal spot on her shirt and insisting on instantly changing it (I have deterred her with difficulty from stripping down in the middle of Washington Street, although I suspect it wouldn't be the first time a took place there.)

My son has an infallible attraction to dirt and mess. It's a good thing I have a washer and dryer in my condo so I can strip him down as soon as we get home from walks, with his clothes and body undergoing instant bio hazard treatment.

We take marathon walks around Hoboken and Jersey City when the weather is at all decent, and have been known to stand in the rain for fun with umbrellas and galoshes. It's not like the kid isn't getting tons of outdoor time, but he wants more. A lot more.

I am not about to move to a farm to satisfy my son's urge to roll in the dirt, but my constant wielding of the Oxy Clean bottle got me thinking about families that stay in Hoboken. A lot of my friends have been moving out of town lately. Some to the Jersey suburbs and others to more exotic locales like California or Washington D.C.

What I have noticed, is that all the families have sons.

My friends are moving primarily for job opportunities and nicer weather, but they are also seeking more space, better schools and sports programs. I have to say that sports, or lack thereof, never occurred to me as a potential reason for leaving.

I grew up playing Brooklyn softball and played in the intense PSAL high school league. I played tennis in the Parks Department, sailed and kayaked in Canarsie, swam at Fort Hamilton and started fencing in college. I can replicate those opportunities for my kids here in Hoboken, so what sports programs would my kids get in the suburbs? The same sports starting at younger ages? Football? Field hockey?

I might be more concerned about the sports issue if I had a brawny, brawling boy. But having a daughter as a firstborn has definitely set the tone for our family's activities. My son enthusiastically attends ballet tea parties with his sister, and his best friend is a girl.

Judging by my kid brother's sports experiences growing up in Brooklyn (he lasted exactly one game in pewee football; he turned and fled from the formidable Sunset Park opposition), I think my son will be fine if he chooses to pursue advanced athletics in Hoboken.

Now, it's time to build that urban fort so he can spend all his waking hours outdoors.

To read more about what makes Kathy Zucker tick, check out her blog at http://momcondoliving.com/ and follow her at http://twitter.com/kathyzucker