The latest new episode of Cake Boss opens with Maurizio doing woodwork. Great opening with one of Carlo's most obscure employees. He's actually Buddy's brother-in-law, but still this is like going to see the E Street Band and hearing Springsteen say the head roadie is singing the first song.

Then Cousin Anthony enters and asks Maurizio what he's doing. Anthony calls him “Chato,” which might be a nickname, made-up on the spot slang or Italian cuss word. We don't know, so no harm done.

With the enthusiasm of Charlie Brown getting his heart crushed on Valentine's Day, Maurizio says he's making the frame for his own 21^st birthday cake. He says he has to do it because no one else wants to.

Then we hear Buddy narrate that he and Lisa are throwing Maurizio a party at their house. Buddy is in fact going to make the cake, a Hawaiian style tiki bar filled with poundcake and fudge, covered in flowers and leis and complete with a chocolate covered volcano that erupts in tropical drinks.

Maurizio wants one more thing too, fire. “I want crazy smoke, I want volcanoes,” he says. Frankie overhears this. “You're begging for something bad to happen,” he says. We can guess Maurizio is going to try some shenanigans, and hopefully he doesn't burn down Buddy's shiny new factory.

Then, back at the original Carlo's, a guy named Justin starts talking to Mary. He's a screenwriter and film director, most recently of The Bucket List. Justin says that last week his producing partner, Clay, shoved a pie in his face. He wants Mary to help him get revenge.

“I can't just pie someone in the face,” Mary says. But Justin begs her. “Alright, only 'cause I'm evil like that,” she says. This is the weirdest ever negotiation for a contract hit.

Mary laments to the camera. “Who's pieing who?” she asks, employing the gerund of the verb to pie. “They want me to get involved and start pieing.”

Maybe Justin can turn this wacky scenario into a movie. Two buddies, a woman between them, a love triangle of pieing. Sounds like another awful rom-com starring Katherine Heigl.

Clay arrives, and so does Buddy, and with Justin the three talk cake. They want Buddy to make a cake for the big wedding scene in their next movie (it's called The Wedding. And who is in it? Katherine Heigl! The writer of this article swears he didn't know that during the previous paragraph).

Buddy brings them to the back for a “tasting”. Mary lurks. “Hey guys, want to taste this?” she says. Justin and Clay turn around, and then bam!, she pies them both.

“I decided to do it my way and just pie them both,” she says with a smirk.

They clean up, and Buddy says he's going to make three identical cakes for the movie, two real ones and a third made of styrofoam for background shots. The trick is for them to be exactly alike.

“Wedding cakes are my favorite cake to make,” Buddy says. Even for fake weddings.

Buddy then juggles the wedding cakes and Maurizio's tiki bar cake. Maurizio really wants it to have fire, so sure enough he tries to make it happen himself. He goes to the factory parking lot with Phil, another Carlo's employee who is also a volunteer firefighter.

Maurizio and Phil fool around with some lighters, tubes and flammable grain alcohol. Lisa happens to walk by and starts scolding her brother. She's not having any fire at her house.

Everyone from the bakery comes outside to watch. Maurizio's fire spills onto the pavement. “Abort, abort,” he yells to Phil.

“He's such a mo-mo he can't even start a fire right,' Buddy observes, which again, could be a nickname, slang or cuss word, we just don't know.

Buddy leaves and delivers the wedding cakes. “This is really amazing, the cakes are beautiful,” Justin says. “The cakes are perfect for the movie.”

Everyone is gathered on the set, and then bam!, Justin pies Clay! Then Clay pies Mary! Mary pies Clay! Justin pies Buddy! Everybody's pieing everybody! This is turning into a Quentin Tarantino movie. “I don't know what it is with these guys, but they're worse than we are,” Buddy says.

Back home, Buddy finishes Maurizio's tiki bar cake. “It's functional, it pours drinks, you can eat it,” he says.

He delivers it to the party. “Now you can officially drink with the men,” Buddy says. “You're a brother to me and I love you.”

Maurizio takes the first drink. “You guys want me to throw up,” he jokes.

Everybody laughs. Then some Hawaiian dancers show up, some of who are carrying tiki torches. So in the end Maurizio did get his fire.

“But we left it to the professionals,” Buddy says, as the credits roll.