Hoboken, do you smell that? Of course you do, because it’s the smell of mid-priced champagne, boxed chocolates and factory-farmed flowers.

It’s the smell of love.

With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, this is your last weekend to go out in Hoboken and get your swerve on. As your friend (we're all friends on the internet), I would never recommend you go hang out in front of The Shannon after 2 a.m. and scrape up whoever’s passed out on the sidewalk. So this week, I am forgoing the usual bar rating and presenting to you: the best classy bars in Hoboken to pick up a totally romantic date for Valentine’s Day!

To get classy, I went uptown like Billy Joel, and stopped into Bin 14 (1314 Washington Avenue). It’s got a hip Manhattan vibe and I imagine that the guys or gals you will meet sitting at the bar will know a thing or two about vineyards and stocks and finishing the New York Times crossword puzzles without the help of Google.

“It’s definitely not the same people that go to the Pourhouse or 1 Republik,” said bartender Steve Kincaid. He said the usual crowd on the weekends was mid-twenties and up professional-types. Cha-ching! People with jobs!

And bonus – whomever you lure back to your apartment at 2 a.m. is probably going to be dressed up nice.

“I haven’t seen anybody come in with sweatpants on,” Kincaid said of his patron’s fashion.

The Clinton Social Club (700 Clinton St.) is another good option if you’d prefer your dates have an affinity for leather-bound books. The name alone gives it the air of a secret speakeasy, so it’ll also sound really fancy when you mention that’s where you hooked up.

Their Oranj Cosmo ($14), orange vodka, Cointreau, orange juice, is a sexy and delicious cocktail to send to the hottie at the end of the bar. I would know, because I drank one and then all of a sudden I was sexy and delicious. Note that this applies to ladies only. If you want to get the attention of a guy—I don’t know—send him a scotch or something. Who cares!

Best of all, for all the ladies who don’t manage to rustle up some booty this weekend, bartender Ronnie Saladyga wants all of the single gals to know that they will be very welcome at the bar when he is working on Valentine’s Day.

For the money-grubbing types, Zack’s Oak Bar (232 Willow Avenue) is located right next to Hoboken University Medical Center, and is therefore a cool hangout for single doctors looking to unwind after a hard day of cutting people open and pulling stuff out of them and sewing them back up.

At Zack’s, bartender Luke Martino stressed that the clientele are “a bit older, with steady jobs.” Like doctors, people, doctors.

While he said it doesn’t get too wild on the weekends, the atmosphere is relaxed and very un-intimidating for a single person. Plus, Martino will make you any sort of fantastical cocktail you can imagine.

“If I can Google it, I can make it,” he laughed.

Finally, my last pick for a classy place to get your romantic groove on is The Turtle Club (936 Park Ave.). On the weekends, they move the tables off of the floor, and a DJ spins some tunes.

“It’s more of the crowd I’d rather be around,” said bartender Lindsay Stetson. “If I didn’t work here, I’d want to hang out here.”

She recommends the Fruits & Vegetables cocktail ($11): cucumber vodka, St. Germain and sliced cucumber on the rocks.

“It’s popular with the girls,” she said. And also oiled-up reality stars.

“Oh yeah," Stetson added, "The Situation was here once."

Hey, I promised you a quality date, but I didn’t say what kind of quality, all right? 

So put on a nice shirt (or your best see-through minidress, whatever you’re into), and remember that you are worth more than dollar drafts at Bahama Mama’s. Take yourself someplace nice! Strike up a conversation! Keep the party local this weekend, and Cupid just might point his arrow straight at your butt – err, your heart.