Welcome to the inaugural edition of  The Bar Hopper, Hoboken Patch's brand new weekly boozing review. We know there are more bars in our mile square town than there are in some states, so we solemnly swear to only straight-talk and never sugarcoat the grisly details. If a bar smells like Ed Hardy cologne from six miles away, oh, we'll let you know.

The following review of Wicked Wolf Tavern may have nothing to do with their beer selection at all. It doesn't matter, because you can get beer anywhere. What matters is TVs! Big TVs! Everywhere! Wicked Wolf is like going into a dimly lit Best Buy that also serves margaritas (don't try to drink inside of a regular Best Buy though).

There are little TVs mounted at each booth around the bar, too, which we assume is for transplanted people to quietly watch their teams play without fear of a beefy guy in a Jets jersey getting in their face. But we've got some better ideas for taking over the bar, television-style: Mom's "Oprah" club, meeting everyday at 4 p.m. for burgers and ah-ha moments, "Gossip Girl" Mondays complete with requisite drinking game, getting together the four people in the state who watch "Burn Notice," etc etc etc.

But, fine this is a booze column, more or less. So here's another fine point: beer towers! Get sloshed with your friends without ever leaving your table. Also, an event called "Flip It, Sip It Thursdays," which entails buying a drink during the fourth quarter of a sporting event, flipping a coin, and possibly winning another drink for free. By our completely scientific arithmetic skills, that gives you an extra fifty per cent chance of inebriation.

Anyway, Wicked Wolf officially opened in September, and if you've walked past the bar during weekend nights, you know that it's been packed ever since. There may be lines to get in on certain nights, and while that may not sound appealing as the temperature has dropped to negative three hundred degrees lately, rest assured that once inside the body heat of a pack of sweaty sports fans will keep you nice and toasty.

Rob Felicetta, Assistant General Manager of Wicked Wolf, ran through some of their weekly and special events at the bar. Karaoke will be back in January, prefaced by an ice breaking activity like speed dating, or a movie. In the meantime, there's trivia on Wednesdays, where Felicetta says they've given away an iPad, jerseys, wine baskets and gift cards so far. Every third Friday there's a band performing at the bar. This week is a musical endeavor called Darik and The Funbags, and despite their name, we'll give Felicetta the benefit of the doubt when he says they're actually a really great cover band.

There's an Xbox 360 hooked up, and the arcade-style Big Buck Safari, for the Hoboken man who dreams of bagging a zebra, but isn't quite sure it will fit in the back of his Civic. Behind the bar you can grab Monopoly, Connect 4 or Jenga for some good clean fun. If that doesn't quite satisfy your thirst for blood – there's UFC fight night.

"We're trying to reach out, we're doing a lot of things. We haven't quite found our niche yet," said Felicetta. Still, he ascertains that Wicked Wolf is a place for everyone, from Wall Street investment bankers to gym rats at the Club H next door.

So in the spirit of reaching out, I approached two young men at the bar. They seemed a bit sloshed already for a Tuesday at 10 p.m., but they were 21 and surely just got finished with finals.

"Whoever invented beer towers is an f-in' genius," said Rich (here at Patch, we respect your drunken anonymity). "Also there's like a bajillion TVs."

"I like the beautiful girls that get your drinks here," said his friend Tom. He motioned to the busty brunette bartender. "Wait, what's her name again? I don't remember."

One of the two young men then proceeded to try to pick this columnist up, to no avail.

Overall, we'll give Wicked Wolf 8 out of 10 frosty mugs, with high marks for your ability to get drunk, an attentive and friendly staff, and events (not just sports) most every day. We'll deduct points for a few Dave Matthews Band songs, and the prevalence of backwards caps and Uggs boots.